Jerry died on April 17, 2002. As I said to my dear friend Ada, who wrote in remembrance, sometimes it feels as if that part of my life has been gone for a very long time. At other moments, I feel as if I could turn around and Jerry would be there.
I’m not sure we would have moved to Seattle if Jerry had lived, even with both of our kids here. He was innovative and progressive in his thinking, but not about his personal space. He liked to settle in and stay. I’m not sure we would have moved out of San Gabriel Drive or Rochester — although the winters were starting to get to him. I know we wouldn’t have lived in a 900 square foot apartment.
Part of losing a spouse is knowing that you need to go on in a way that works for you, letting go of what is no longer possible — aka a shared life. I think I’ve done that. I don’t spend much time wondering what my life would have been like if Jerry had lived — only on days like yesterday.